Saturday, February 9, 2008

Bandwidth. Ambivalence. Pace.

As I site here twirling my spoon in my yogurt cup (I’m taking the Dannon Activia Challenge…quite tasty), avoiding thinking about all that I have to get done this weekend…I am reminded why I even started this blog.

I want to be a Superwoman when I grow up…I want it all. The Corporate Maven, Domestic Diva, and Femme Fatale all rolled up in a little package I call Me. I wake up every morning burning for perfection- I want to learn more, do more and work harder but the truth is I’m only one person. I can only do so much in one day/week/month. I know very well how much bandwidth I have to accomplish my goals yet I always try to push myself further – past the line of ‘enough’ into the land of ‘too much’.

Yet and still…I put more on my plate. My mind says “Woman-up Cindy…just get it done!” while my body is “No mas por favor. I need a BREAK!!” I’ve volunteered my time for 3 side projects at work, which are all due this month (one presentation is on Tuesday). When I get home from work (whenever that is) I go to sleep wake up in the middle of the night to sew then back. I have S Factor on Friday so I need to muster-up some energy dance for 2 hours! Not to mention planning my Linesister’s fabulous Bridal Shower, my birthday extravaganza and my suffering blogging time. Concentrating too much time on one task makes me feel guilty I’m not working on something else (I’m feeling it right now as I write this post…I should be cleaning/sewing). I’m tired…very tired, so tired that I’m starting to grow ambivalence for the very objects of my affection.

What’s the point in being Superwoman when you’re not enjoying it? I’m on a mission to pace myself. My first step is to live in the moment and be honest with myself. When I can, I will. When I can’t I’ll regretfully say no. And when I’m tired I’ll sleep.

~3~

I have much to report otherwise. My partner, Kaiesha, and I attended New York Mercedez-Benz Fashion week as press from our blog TellMeKC.com. It was our first fashion week and it was so neat!!! She attended Cynthia Steffe and Vivienne Tam and I attended Zac Posen. I haven’t posted on the show yet (pacing myself, remember) but I’ll let you know went its up ;-)

12 comments :

Adrienne said...

I'm still learning the meaning of the word BALANCE too...

Cas... said...

I suffer from this too. I think all creative people do.

Keep hope alive to survive!

kayellejaye said...

I've always prided myself as being a Jill of all trades with the hopes of being a Black Martha Stewart. It's hard juggling tasks and staying focused, driven, and energized. I'm still trying to figure it all out.

Berry said...

Positive thinking : You've spotted a problem, now try to let go a bit (I know it's easier said than done). Avoid to reach the point where your body rings the bell... Take it easy while you can ;o) I'll be glad to read your blog whenever you find the time and desire to share your creations with us. Have a peaceful week end.

Sheila said...

I feel your ambivalence, and like another commenter said I think all crafter suffers from it. Just pace yourself and only do what you can.

alethia said...

I learned that lesson the hard way. I just cannot do it all and you know what i have come to terms with that. You kinow life is so much easier for me, now i enjoy the activites i choose. You will also come around slowly and learn to let go the Superwoman do it alllll

christina said...

I sooooo understand.

I'll get into a phase where I am energetic and managing a lot, then my energy wanes and suddenly I am overwhelmed and feeling guilty that I'm not doing it all.

BTW - *Very* cool that you made it to some Fashion Week shows! I'm looking forward to your posts.

laura said...

I've worked full time since I was 18 and I've raised 3 kids. I never had a housekeeper and my EX husband said housework was for women! Being superwoman is no fun and who are we being superwoman for anyway? Do what you WANT to do, not what you think you HAVE to do. Weed out what's really not important. Life is short, take it easy. And by the way, I eat Activia everyday!

Dana said...

I agree with all the above comments. When I get overwhelmed I ask myself, "What's the worst thing that could happen if...the laundry isn't done, I'm late for the meeting, my project isn't finished when I wanted it?" Usually the answer is nothing. Give yourself a break!

melissa said...

I'm going to buck the trend and comment on your epilogue - oh MY. You completely won at Fashion Week - Zac Posen's collection was my absolute favourite of all of NYC's offerings. So perfect and so me. Loved it.

gold said...

We would all love to be Superwoman, but that is a hard job to keep up with.So do what you can when you can and things will work out.You must take time to relax!!:)

Mimi Jackson said...

Need I reiterate what the others have said? I don't think so. You'll be better off if you can just hang up the cape, and recognize that no one is asking you to be Superwoman. It is your own requirement... and an impossible one to satisfy, at that.